…of Nkwobi, Isiewu and other events: Welcome to Lasgidi

After close to a month of trying to settle into Lasgidi a few friends finally drew me out for a hangout. Initially, I was reluctant to go this being a Monday. It seemed like a sin to the goddess of work to be out on a Monday night. But alas, PHCN guided my decision as on getting home to discover that the quota for the day didn’t include light before 6 pm. So mind made up I left for the Palms to hook up with my people Monday night or not.

I have often heard about Lasgidi as the town that never sleeps. I never quite experienced it because…(well no point going into that history). So into Soul Lounge the first meeting point I went. Other than the usually over priced drinks the place wasn’t so bad. There was good music and there were people in work clothes. You could see that they made it there straight out of work. Someone said the usual story was that they were waiting for traffic to reduce. Apparently for Nigerians they were pretty patient because by around 10 pm when we were on our way to the next hangout location, they were on the dance floor boogying away to some oldies.

The highlight of the day was that we had a friend from my host country coming for a visit for the first time to our very own Naija. Since she was leaving the following day, she only had limited time to experience Nigeria. The magic word for the night was ‘Nkwobi’. A place was mentioned which I seem to forget the name primarily from the internal clock which was telling me for some reason that I was out too late. After a bit of debating and discussing (some of us were inclined to call it a day) the ‘ayes’ had it so off we left to the next stop.

Seated amongst old friends and new ones amidst plates of Nkwobi to the right and Isiewu to the left (which for reasons best known only to my ‘constitution’ I couldn’t partake of) I finally felt welcomed to Lasgidi. Indeed it never sleeps, except probably for the gateman at the estate gates of my new home who happened to have been drawn out of his dreamland by my knocking on the gate.

Safety & the Law

I have had to do some biking since my return and I have come to appreciate our concept of safety vs laws. The seat belt and helmet laws are meant to ensure you are conscious of your safety but it appears that my countrymen are keener on keeping the laws and avoiding LASTMA trouble than their personal safety. In the movies bikers would usually put on the helmet, pass one to their passenger have them put it on and strap up before embarking on the journey. The biking scenario is far removed from such perfect world scenarios.

The bike man parks in front of you, you tell him where you want to go as you are climbing on. You ask the price, do a bit of haggle if necessary and then he is off. Two minutes after you have taken off he might recall that you are supposed to wear a helmet. Or somewhere along the journey his compatriot bikers either through repeated horning or gestures get him to know that his passenger has no helmet. In mid ride you are given a helmet to put on. The straps of the helmet seemed to be designed not to go under your chin and it is usually already strapped up. I don’t know if you are expected to figure out the straps while in motion but I have never tried because I found it doesn’t help the balance much.

Then the helmets are something else. I don’t have a big head but some hardly stay on. Lots of the helmet seems improvised. One I wore recently had packing foam in it, which made it want to slip off. So I had to ride practically holding the helmet like it was some wig I was afraid was going to be blown off. All my notions of the helmet as a protective device was put to rest when I saw one lying on the road smashed. I don’t know if a car ran over it but it certainly didn’t look like it could really protect. So the helmet thing seems to be more about keeping the law than protecting ones self. Same way the seat belt in some taxis are more for show, with the driver usually using his hand to hold down the buckling end because the buckle had long since gone with the fourth owner of the taxi.

One thing for certain is that the helmets weren’t designed with the hairstyles our women carry considered at all. I have seen helmets sit on some female head like the Gele with the helmet being more at risk of harm than the carrier. Others just hold the helmet on their lap because there is just no way it can sit on their head. Given that the total landmass up there was far in excess of the circumference of the helmet. I have since taken to walking unless absolutely necessary. At least on my feet I am totally responsible for my own safety and it’s the most cost effective way to kip fit.

with Patience and Goodluck anything can happen ...

If I had written this piece yesterday it would have been pretty negative. For some reason two nights ago PHCN figured the honeymoon was over and ensured I had light only when I wasn’t at home. I had come back psychologically prepared for a ‘bad’ power situation only for PHCN to really behave well for my first two weeks in town. All over, comparing notes I was getting good feedback. Someone called in on Wazobia FM complaining that he was about to pack out from his abode because PHCN was giving too much light. He was worried that things may soon start blowing up. It was a joke of course. My pessimism on the power situation was slowly thawing with all these positive feedback then I moved and PHCN hit!

Apparently, there may have been a fault because sometime around 1 A.M this morning power returned and had been on till about 6:30 P.M after a few hours of settling in, doing some quick ironing then they took away their stuff. I had all but given in to another long night of darkness and contemplating how soon that gen had to materialize when they brought the light some two hours later. If it continues at this rate then I will keep pushing the gen matter further and further till I can squeeze the last drop out of the available power.

Even with all the psychological reprogramming, it’s not easy to adapt to the light situation (which I daresay is better than I would have imagined) after three years of practically stable power. First year in the host country, I counted a total of 17 power outages the longest with duration of 4hrs at least in the area I lived in. This year there had been longer periods of 12hrs but only for a day while some major fault was being fixed. I could pick up the phone and call the customer care to inquire as to why I had no light and I was usually told exactly when it would return. Once I called because my neighbours had light and I didn’t and the customer care person asked if I could locate my pole and quote the number on it for speedy resolution. That was the level of efficiency I was coming from.

The power company operated as a business. The power company installed pre-paid meters as part of the revenue generation exercise ie for free and compulsorily. 24 hr customer service, I had a friend (a Nigerian) who would call up the power company at 12 midnight to ask about light (just for kicks) and someone was always at the other end of the line. I used to ask him if he could do that back in home country. I hope we will one day get to that level of efficiency. Hope is a Nigerian and with Patience and Goodluck anything can happen (I just couldn’t help the pun here).

Re-installation issues...

After a three year stint in a foreign country, I am now back to home country. My holiday is officially over and I now have to face simple realities like owning a generator and viewing every artisan with a high level of suspicion. It’s yet another new beginning for me except in an old country. It’s a new home (finding it is an entire story) and a somewhat new beginning (in Fashola’s Lagos).

So here I was feeling like a cowboy a few weeks back. I had heard all the stories about how tough it is to find accommodation in Lagos. I knew they were true but I put it down to mainly cash. I figured with what I was looking for and my budget it shouldn’t be a problem. It didn’t seem so at first. Within two weeks of my reconnaissance trip I had found a nice pad. The negotiations were practically done with so I took a trip back to Ghana feeling like a superstar. In just two weeks, I had found apartment in Lagos, paid for it and ready to plan moving the rest of my stuff back.

Then the gist started. First the landlord doesn’t cash the cheque, and can’t produce an agreement because their lawyer had an accident and was unavailable. Then the lawyer was available but for some reason, they still won’t cash the cheque but offered alternative accommodation at the same price. Then the landlord returns the cheque and then I am back to square one. I tried to analyze what the problem could have been; did they want more money or what? Well in such cases answers are not usually forth coming. I spoke to a friend who assured me it was normal. He once paid for a house and on meeting the landlord and the man discovering he was from a certain tribe the offer was withdrawn and his money returned. It was consoling to know the universe wasn’t against me. This meant another reconnaissance trip but this time I wasn’t going to move an inch until I was safely installed in an apartment.

Within a week of arrival another accommodation was being negotiated yet again about two houses from the previous one. This time, I wasn’t feeling like a cowboy. I was suspicious all the way. The assurances of the agent fell on deaf ears (he had congratulated me on the first one). Payment was made, the money was withdrawn then the keys to a main gate took a while to materialize. I had the keys to the inner sections of the house but none to get me into the compound. Two agents working together who didn’t quite trust each other were now playing Russian roulette with providing the key. The key finally arrived and I move in and it’s a whole new set of challenges. The holiday is indeed over!

Finally Egunje...

finally i have confirmation that the police are likely to be the same across west africa. well they all accept 'egunje'. i had my first run-in with the law since coming to the host country. i was on the phone and made a wrong turn. a policewoman spotted my mistake and signaled that i should park. she asked if i had seen the signs on the road which would make that turn illegal. i told her i was on the phone and that i didn't know the area very well hence my mistake (mind you this was the truth). she asked for my driver's license and i handed her my international driver's license which further corroborated my story. she got into the car and asked me to keep driving to their station. i was to be booked to appear in court on traffic violation. the look on my face told her i certainly didn't need a criminal record in a foreign land.

at the station she brought out the booking papers then after a while passed me to a male colleague without writing anything. i began explaining afresh my mistake and really i was sorry for breaking the law though not intentional. it was pointed out that ignorance isn't an excuse. well the bottom line is that passing me to a male colleague was a way of helping me out. seems the guys are better at collecting egunje than the women (ie only in the host country because its still fresh in memory how i was 'obtained' by a policewoman back home – another story). anyway, with this new policeman we spent ten minutes discussing about my offense and skirting around the real issues. eventually, he told me if i had anything i could just drop. being no expert at giving egunje especially internationally i had to get some tips from the policeman on how to put the egunje in my international driver's license and pass it on.

bottomline, i parted with some egunje and was allowed to go. now the difference i found was in the approach. all through the 'ordeal' the policeman and woman were very polite. the policeman didn't 'demand' for egunje rather asked 'nicely' almost embarrassingly. he didn't also specify the amount of the egunje which put me in a quagmire because i was forced to err on the side of caution. by home country standards i paid peanuts to get out of that one but then again by host country standards i may have paid too much. i was grateful anyway, better this than, trying to explain to a judge why i had to come all the way from my home country to break their laws. lesson's learnt : always use a taxi when you are going to an area you are not familiar with.

Still no Twi (pronounced Chui)

i don’t know what to say. i haven’t written here in a long long while. well life happened now i’m back for the moment. i can hardly remember a lot that has happened well there’s one shocker that won’t leave my memory almost immediately. after my blast of a christmas holiday i came back to host country and got the shocker. the security light in my front porch was on, there was thorn carton covering my car, my wannabe picket fence was all painted, and the house itself was painted. i saw a note sticking out of the front door and for a moment i feared the worst. an eviction notice! it turned out to be just the water bill. well i have heard nothing but horror stories when it comes to landlord – tenant relationship so my shock was in the fact that my landlord (landlady to be precise) had carried out all the minor repairs and repainting that was promised in passing. my security light in question had gone bad because of the leaky roof and i had more or less given up on it but that detail was taken care of and the house was painted and i couldn’t but think this kind of stuff happened only in my host country.

the landlady (God bless her) considers the house her investment (which it is) and so keeps it in good shape without prompting. i suppose that’s how things are supposed to be. ok so i am going into my third year in my host country, sadly i still don’t speak twi but there doesn’t seem to be much change in the people. still waiting for the oil (black curse) to begin flowing to see if my host will change and become more ‘militant’. my only problem with my host country i would say is their politics. there are things which coming from a country like nigeria , i would consider petty they tend to take seriously. i guess they have fewer problems than we do. the other day a former minister and an incumbent were having diatribe on radio over an issue of thorn carpeting in the residence reallocated to the incumbent which was formerly occupied by the ex-minister. in home country that wouldn’t be a problem at all, the incumbent would quietly ask for renovation allowance which will be equivalent to building three fully furnished four bedroom apartments. if you doubt me consider the renovation of the vice president’s house which gulped some 7 billion naira. probably they were throwing in two helipads and one mini-airport.

still on their politics, there is a constant passing of blame back and forth by the current and previous government. ndc – npp. there’s a lot of complaint that current government is doing nothing (how that is possible beats me, i think their mps need to do industrial attachment in our national house of assembly which passed one bill into law recently after 3 years in existence). anyway, my own non-partisan take is that the current government like a lot of governments which took power during the recession are just unlucky to have taken over during the slump. they’ve had to generally make the best of a bad situation. so the government has turned bad guy because out of necessity they’ve had to raise some tariffs. i now have to pay 50 whopping pessewas (roughly 60 naira) from a mere 5 every time i pass the toll gate. thankfully, they don’t wait for their roads to degrade totally; work is almost complete on the spintex road. i can do my trips into accra for free with the only price i have to pay is patience and fuel (lol). my take on the increases is that there is little to complain about, i mean they get service the tariffs are to ensure that it improves and the government doesn’t buckle under the subsidy.

Mr Black in Naija

i visited home country again on a work assignment and for a change i was in abuja the seat of power. i have visited abuja a couple of times but this was my first time staying longer than a couple of days. if i ever have to come back to live in home country, abuja is definitely one of the places i would choose, second only to my home state (after the current governor must have since finished the road projects). the roads in abuja are wide, the streets are well lit (at least in the maitama area where i stayed). transportation is affordable ( i guess because you can actually get to where you want to go in record time). food? well i was taken to a place where the average meal cost an arm and a leg and extra but i came to discover there were other places where you could get a good meal at a decent rate. sharwama or something like that it was called. they even had a delicacy from my home state a meal made from cocoyam wrapped in plantain leaves (ekpang nkukwo) .

a week may be too soon to judge abuja but i think like my host country, if a place looks good in the first few days, there is usually not much deviation a year or two later. the only problem i find in abuja is that it’s largely populated by nigerians. you easily notice this when you hit the road. there is an apparent confusion in the way people drive. wide roads and all but you get that feeling that a lot of the drivers have no clue about road rules. in my host country you can always tell a speed lane, the roundabouts are well marked and the speed limits and speed bumps signs are placed well ahead on the road not almost at the speed bumps. in abuja the speed bump signs jump at you almost as you arrive at the bump. and only when you are almost at the junction that you realize you were meant to be driving at 30km/hr and not 100km/hr. lest i forget we all know about phcn. light has been stable since i came, of course i can’t really tell since i’m in a hotel but from what i gather like the normal naija city, there are areas with lots of power and areas that have epileptic supply. anyway, we wait december ending for the promised 6000mw.

talking about power in naija, i have a solution which i think would work better than the endless wait for government to provide stable power (both in the polity and electricity). i believe if every nigerian pooled in their numerous generators we could actually power the country better. if one considers the number of households running generators as the most reliable source of power with phcn as the unreliable back-up power. either hooking them up in a parallel or series connection ( i forget the exact details of the physics) i’m sure we’ll be able to generate enough power to enable phcn function in its full capacity as a back-up ( during diesel/fuel scarcity). it still beats me though with all the sun in africa we cannot seem to figure out how to make good use of solar energy. if a malawian lad could power his village through a windmill one wonders…

abuja is definitely a nice city to live in once you can afford the overpriced leases.